blessed assurance
In 2013, before I moved to Charlottesville, my soul sister gave me a gift- a small, brown leather photo album with a beautiful handmade card. On the front, watercolor suns and ships danced on turquoise ocean waters. A handwritten quote on the bottom read, “It is good to have an end to journey towards, but it’s the journey that matters in the end.” On the back, there was a letter that read,
“Our bond is a gift that never stops giving. There are next to no things I am more thankful for in life than you. A sister for life, it is simply irreplaceable. I have faith, confidence, and belief that your wings will soar in what is ahead of you. There is no better time than now, so keep your mind and heart present, take in the journey you are about to embark upon with open arms. Fear is only anxiety of the unknown, courage is the power to accept your fears and continue anyways. I have some tools for you when you need a positive reality check. A book to remind you how beautiful it is to be yourself and no one else's clone. A book to grab at any given moments that will give you wisdom and strength while diminishing irrational anxiety. A book that will enlighten you on how to stop pretending being perfect is what you should strive for. An album of photographs and quotes that remind you that you are loved, so don’t forget to love yourself. You’re so ready for what’s next in your life, Rach, or god would have not lined up this incredible journey for you. Remember, life is too short.”
Inside this precious book lives a collection of photos of me with my family and most cherished friends. Old photos, new photos, silly photos, and sentimental photos. On every page there are hand-written quotes about love and belonging and the simple things that are truly the most important things. One of my favorites reads, “The culture we have does not make people feel good about themselves. And you have to be strong enough to say if the culture doesn’t work- don’t buy it” (Tuesdays with Morrie). Preach it, Morrie, preach!
Why did she write this, gift this, invest time in creating this? Because she wanted me to know, and to remember, that I am loved. She also knew, as most soul sisters do, that I am all too prone to forget it. Her heart yearned for me to know something like this...
“Rachel, I want you to know that you matter, that you are loved, you are supported and you are deeply cared for. I want you to know it so badly that I even made the most thoughtful gift for you so that you’ll never forget it. I made you a book with photos of people, people who you have loved and who love you for your true self. When you are scared or lonely or doubting, turn open the pages of this book, look into the smiling, laughing faces of the humans in these photos, and remember. Remember that fear is anxiety of the unknown and that you can move forward with confidence that you’re loved.
(If you’re thinking, “Damn, Rach, you’ve got the best best friend”, you are 100% correct. I hope that you, dear readers, have friends like these because they exist).
Last night, I snuggled up in bed, and I decided to go through my photo album. I do it frequently, but this time I was shaken anew. An unfamiliar thought swept in quickly, and just as quickly, I concluded it true. This photo album, I thought, is a little bit like God giving us the best gift- an invitation to know and believe in Jesus.
Anna sacrificed her time to do something for me because she loves me.
She didn’t have to.
She wanted to.
God sacrificed His Son, giving me Jesus and the Spirit, because he loves me.
He did not have to.
He wanted to.
Anna wanted to encourage me when I got scared. She wanted me to know that I do not walk alone.
God’s heart is to remind me that He gave me Jesus for when I get scared. He too wants me to know I am not alone.
Anna knew that seeing faces of people, my family and friends, would bring me deep joy.
God not only gives us a relationship with Himself, but with others, so that we might taste joy on earth through fellowship, friendship, and connection.
After I contemplated this metaphor, I placed the album in its usual place, on my night stand, always in an arm's reach. I took a deep breath in, then out; my head gently hit the pillow, eager to slumber. My eyes shut and my mind whispered a small, sincere plea.
“Abba, thank you for relationships and friendship. Thank you for the ways that friends reflect your gospel of grace, your goodness towards us, and your extravagant love. Thank you that you have given us Christ, for we are scared and weak and feeble lambs who live, so often, gripped by the hands of fear. Thank you that we truly can have courage to face the unknown, for what is unknown is only unknown to us, yet known to you, and you promise to equip us until the end. Thank you that my capacity to be loved depends not on my merit, but by your mercy. Enable me to move forward with full assurance and confidence in who you created me to be. Amen.”