Navigating diet-culture during the holidays
Tis’ the season for diet-culture bullshitery, fa la la la laaa, la la la laaaa.
This time of year is so hard for so many. It’s especially difficult for those in recovery from an eating disorder or disordered eating. It’s really hard for people who are trying to improve their relationship with food and their bodies and unlearn the ways we’ve been culturally conditioned to hate them. There is so much (unnecessary) talk about food and weight during this time. Here are a few comments you’re likely to overhear (or already did at Thanksgiving— *insert me rolling my eyes).
“Ah, look at all of these desserts— I’m going to have to hit the gym hard tomorrow.”
“Diet starts tomorrow!”
“I made sure to run a few extra miles today so I could enjoy all this food!”
“The quarantine-15 and now the holidays?! I’ve gained so much weight!”
“Gosh, I really shouldn’t be eating this.”
“I always gain a lot of weight around the holidays.”
“I’ve been really being “good” lately and I’ve “earned” this extra dessert.”
While I recognize that these comments, beliefs, and behaviors have been normalized in this culture, they are not actually normal. They’re disordered. Diets don’t work and using exercise as a compensatory behavior is not healthy. Period.
You might also have comments said directly to you about how much food is on your plate or how you look. And what’s sad is that most of these comments come directly from family members, whose words can often hurt the most. They might say things like, “Oh, you look like you’ve lost/gained weight— good for you!” or “Wow, I can’t believe you’re eating that.”
Sheesh. Eyes on your own plate, people!
Comments about food and bodies just aren’t cool, especially around the holidays. And yes, I know, they’re often said without ill-intent or “out of habit” but that doesn’t mean they don’t hurt and it doesn’t mean you can’t take responsibility for your language. Also, I really believe in humanity’s capacity to think of better things to talk about (2020 has certainly given us a plethora…)
You have permission this year to opt-out of diet culture. Now, if you’re like, “What is diet-culture?”, I have a whole blog post about that! Go find it. But in a nutshell, it’s the glorification of losing weight, the idealization of thinness, and the belief that weight is the sole indicator of health.
Here’s the hard thing about the holidays though. You might have made the brave decision to opt-out of diet-culture but you will likely still be surrounded by people who still buy it. Which is really annoying. I know it first-hand. So, here are some tips for making it through.
STICK TO YOUR GUNS
First and foremost, just because everyone around you is still caught up in obsessing about thinness and dieting and fearmongering about the sugar content in cookies doesn’t mean you have to be. Remember your values. Remember what you’re working towards. Remember the prison you were once in and what a badass you are for bailing yourself out. This doesn’t mean we need to hate or shame or criticize people who are still caught up in diet-culture. Being anti-diet culture doesn’t mean being anti-dieters, but it does mean adopting a new set of beliefs and being able to stand on your own two feet. It means having the courage to choose yourself instead of what’s mainstream. It means being vulnerable and risking being misunderstood. It’s a scary place to stand sometimes, and yet, it’s also the birthplace of finding yourself.
FIND SUPPORT
I totally believe in your ability to brave the wilderness and having at least one person who you can rely on, who shares the new beliefs you’re practicing living into can be really helpful. This might be a friend who lives across the country who you can text when Aunt Bessy makes a comment about your weight gain. Or, this may be a family member who feels like a safe person to talk to, who you can pull aside if someone says something hurtful or triggering. Having at least one person who you know is fighting diet-culture with you can make a huge difference.
SET BOUNDARIES
But really. Set them. Even if you’re scared— set them anyways. Not sure what to say, here are some ideas:
This year I am focusing on the spirit of the holidays and spending time with people I love, not on food or weight.
I’m working on healing my relationship with my body and food, so please don’t make comments on either.
I won’t engage in conversations about “good foods” and “bad foods”, calories, or weight loss. If you continue talking about it, I’ll walk away.
Comments about my body or other people’s bodies are unnecessary. Please don’t make them.
No “working off”, “burning off” or “earning” talk. I don’t engage in those behaviors anymore and I’m working on making peace with my body and food.
I’m not talking about my body in a self-critical way anymore. I’m working on body respect and self-kindness.
No diet talk.
Communicating your boundaries is really important because it lets people know what you’re okay with and what you’re not okay with. It’s also a way of prioritizing your needs and honoring yourself. People won’t always respect your boundaries (which is indicative of their poor boundaries and doesn’t have anything to do with you, really). So what do you do when your boundaries are disrespected or mocked? You have some options. You can change the conversation, you can reestablish your boundaries or you can physically remove yourself from the conversation.
OFFER UP SOME EDUCATION
If it feels safe to do so, you can always provide education to your loved ones about why you’re opting out of diet-culture. You don’t have to do this, but if it feels right, it’s an option. You might say things like:
Dieting might seem like it works in the short-term, but in the long term, it has proven ineffective. 2/3rd of dieters gain the weight back that they lost at least 2 years post-diet and 95% of diets fail. (Stunkard, 1995)
Carb’s should actually be your body’s main source of fuel and the Keto diet was created to help children with epilepsy, not the general population. So unless you have epilepsy, the Keto diet is a bad idea.
Our brains need the carb equivalent of 8 pieces of bread each day to function (and that’s only one organ out of many). Not eating enough of them can lead to depression, irritability, and difficulty concentrating.
Dieting and restriction actually increase obsessions about food. The best way to feel more comfortable around food is to make sure you’re eating enough of it.
The best-known environmental contributor to the development of eating disorders is our culture’s obsession and idealization of thinness (Culbert et al., 2015) and dieting is the most salient predictor in eating disorders in adolescents (Patton et al., 1999).
Using exercise as a compensatory behavior is actually disordered and unhealthy. Using exercise as a way to punish yourself isn’t healthy. Movement is important for mental and physical health and it’s possible to have a separate relationship with food and exercise. People exercise for reasons other than losing or even maintaining their weight.
A person’s food and exercise choices actually only make up about 30% of what contributes to their overall health. The other 70% is related to genetics and social determinants of health like SES, education level, income, access to healthcare, social relationships, neighborhood/environment, and trauma (present or past). “Health” is so much more than food.
Even if we all ate the same foods and exercised in the exact same way, our bodies would look different. That’s because body diversity is a good thing. All bodies are good bodies. All bodies deserve to be treated with respect, though that’s sadly not the reality due to fatphobia and weight stigma.
Dieting and obsessing about a “number” as an indicator of health can lead to weight cycling, which has adverse effects. Decreased immune function, decreased bone mineral density, increase in chronic inflammation, increased rates of gallstones, increased rates of some cancer types, decreased thyroid hormones (T3 & T4), increased blood pressure, and increased CVD mortality (*just to name a few…) (O’Hara, L., & Taylor, J. (2018).)
The Intuitive Eating and Health at Every Size Movement actually DOES care about health. They’re not anti-health, just anti-diet. HAES advocates don’t claim that everyone is healthy no matter what their size is. Go read that sentence again. It would be more accurate to call it “health for every body” or health for ALL sizes. Eating for wellbeing (without a focus on weight control) and life-enhancing movement are two of the HAES principles. The Health at Every Size movement cares deeply about people being healthy and advocates for all bodies to receive the medical care they deserve.
I really could go on and on with that section, but I’ll keep it at that.
You deserve to enjoy your holidays, guilt-free.
You deserve to feel supported and cared for.
You deserve to eat the gingerbread cookies without compensating for them. And you deserve to ask for what you need.
In a diet-obsessed world, it can honestly feel so rebellious (and really scary) to break away from this mentality. BE. A. REBEL. THEN. I dare you.
And for those of you reading this who are still inundated in diet-culture, I want you to know that I’m not against you. But I am against dieting and those are very separate things. Please be mindful that there are so many people who struggle with their body and food (and you very well might be one of them), and it’s important to be mindful of your words.
With some sass but also just mostly love and compassion,
Rachel